It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
