Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You pole danced in your parka.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
