I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
