So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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