You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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