yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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