Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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