It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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