if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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