So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Someone came in the potted fern
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
