Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
