Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
