Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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