I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
