note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
