I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
