I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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