Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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