Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Kiss
Puke
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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