man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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