So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
