I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
