This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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