That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
