just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
