So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I currently don't understand fingers.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
