Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
