we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
