I seem to have left my pride at pride
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
