That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
