I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
