You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
