This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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