he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
