Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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