i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
