He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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