I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
