You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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