Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
