The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
try to milk me bitch
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
