Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
