i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
