He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
