i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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