Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
