I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
