So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
