I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
