he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
