Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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